All About Balance

We hear a lot of advice on balance. It's supposed to be found everywhere in our lives from our diets to our checkbooks, but achieving it is rarely as easy as it sounds.

Once during a yoga class the woman next to me could not maintain tree pose. She'd have it for a second but then she'd tremble and stumble precariously until both feet were on the mat. After failing a few times, she huffed loudly and our yoga instructor addressed her with the zen attitude you'd expect. "Some days it's harder to find our balance than others. Try not to get frustrated. I know you can do this pose, but it might not work for your body today." 

I personally have experienced days where balancing poses seem impossible, though the day before I felt like I could have held them for hours. I think what my yoga instructor said applies not only to our physical body but to all aspects of one's self.

As a writer, mathematician, yogi, runner, homebody, lover of the outdoors, knitter, reader, dog mom, fan of silence, and music enthusiast finding a comfortable, steady equilibrium can be an intense act of juggling that frequently ends in bruises and tears.

Fortunately, my day job keeps my analytically minded needs met while writing and reading allow me an outlet for my creativity. Unfortunately, all of those activities keep my body stationary which drives me crazy. I need exercise or I'll wind up in my crankypants grumbling at the dog for doing things like wanting to be pet or panting loudly.

In his book On Writing, Stephen King recommends that writers make a point of being active. He takes a regular 4 mile walk to clear his head and work through troublesome plot points. Walking is definitely a great thing for a writer. No matter how frustrated I am at the start of a walk, after half a mile or so I feel better and it's easier to figure things out. Like Stephen King I live in New England and despite my love for watching falling snow and curling up with a cup of hot cocoa I'm not walking 4 miles in the middle of a polar vortex.

Lucky for me, I love my yoga and that can be done in the warmth of my living room anytime. I try to practice every morning. That means I usually do it at least four days a week. Four days is generally enough to keep me satisfied and the crankypants safely tucked away.

No matter how much we plan and work on it, there will always be times when we feel off balance. The important thing to remember while we wobble through the day is that finding that balance isn't a final goal that will ever be complete. It's a constant work in progress.

What do you need to stay balanced?

The Dangling Carrot vs The Stick

Deliciousness brought to you by Kickass Cupcakes

Confession: I'm horrible about sticking to self imposed deadlines.

It's weird because I have an excess of will power in most areas of my life. If I can logically explain how a thing is bad for me, I have no problem giving it up. Yet when it's crunch time for reaching my own writing goals I make new deadlines rather than scramble to finish on time.

Who cares if I push it back again? I don't have an agent and no one will know...

Last year I got a bottle of really nice champagne for my birthday in August. I told myself I'd open it when I earned it. I landed a new job I really wanted in October, wrote over 10,000 words in November but still didn't pop the bubbly. Once the goals were attained, I didn't feel like a reward was in order. I do see how this is insane reasoning and it isn't that I didn't think what I had done was impressive. For me, getting the job and the satisfaction of a productive month of writing were enough.

It comes down to whether someone is after the carrot or dodging the stick. Some personality types are driven by threat of the stick or repercussions of failure. Others are enticed by the carrot or the reward that success will bring. My dog* for instance, he's definitely after the carrot.**

He was willing to do anything for this PupCake

I realized that when I was in a critique group, I got my pages reviewed and out to my critique partners on time...okay I cut it close occasionally, but I got the pages and my critiques out.


I'm not actually interested enough in the reward. In fact, I have been known to procrastinate cashing in the rewards I have earned for myself. Even the cupcakes in this post, which were a post-5K run reward, weren't my idea. My friend who I ran with suggested it.

What really gets me to follow through is fear of letting someone down or of embarrassing myself by not doing what I promised. This makes my problem with writing deadlines apparent-I don't have anyone holding a stick.

The solution, which may be obvious at this point, is that I need to someone to be my stick wielder and hold me accountable if I don't get my pages done. Of course, I could do another critique group, but I want to get my first draft complete as soon as possible and as much as I like critiquing I don't really have much time to spare for that right now. So, I volunteered a friend to be my beta and first line of defense against awful grammar, typos and crummy plot lines. I'm going to send her 50 pages every two weeks. I sent her my first 50 pages on Sunday. The theory being that by August I should have a complete draft that's fairly clean. Then I can beg for critiques and send a polished draft to the rest of my betas.


Now if only I could get someone to force me to eat cupcakes...





*All dogs are like this, which is why it's best to punish your dog with the lack of a reward. They'll figure out what they have to do to get the reward, especially if it's a delicious puppy cupcake.

**My dog would like you all to know that he hates carrots and doesn't appreciate this analogy.

Keeping The Readers Happy

Recently, I had some welcomed guests, my newlywed Harry Potter friend, Ashley and her husband, Ryan. We reminisced while we wined and dined. A naturally loquacious person, wine has the troubling tendency to increase the topics I'll ramble on about. My point is, I'm usually tight lipped about my writing, but after half a bottle. . .I'll talk about it without an end in sight.

When I described my first book which I wrote, considered editing but inevitably shoved under my dresser-don't ask why I put it there, I don't know-they were obviously impressed.

In fact, they wore his and her stunned expressions complete with open mouths. I love when couples are so perfectly matched as they are and it was a great sight to see them making the same face.

 There's not much in the world I find as impossible to resist as an attentive audience. It's like a warm chocolate chip cookie and I'm not one to just leave it on the counter to harden.

They urged me to finish the edits and please, please, if it's okay, to let them read it. I can't recall when I last felt so flattered. I've got a lot of writing projects in the works but I think it's smart to focus your energy on where the pull is strongest. Of course, it would be different if I had contracts and deadlines with publishers. Since I don't have any deadlines, I decided to do a quick edit. In addition to wanting, the intrigue still fresh in Ashley and Ryan's minds, two other beta readers are traveling to the British Virgin Isles in late July and I just know they are dying to read about magic on those white sandy beaches.

Even if the story remains unworthy of publication I'll have gained some more editing experience. Besides, it's never too soon to build your reputation as a writer who does it all for her fans.

Fun Friday: A Feast of Ice and Fire

Can you believe how time flies? I mean it's already June! I've had a busy few months spent editing, writing, traveling, and watching Game of Thrones.

The second season is almost over and I never even blogged about my season premiere party. I figure now is as good a time as any, because I can't not brag about my themed cooking success.

I used the Inn at the Crossroads blog for recipes and decoration ideas. I was even bold enough to try my hands at their Weirwood Cake. And by that, I mean I figured I'd try it but only one person knew the feat I was attempting. That way if it all went sour, and ended in melted white chocolate and tears with me shouting that the others could take the flipping cake, no one else would know.

It took four hours and the majority of my patience but I managed to construct a passable heart tree. The base is red velvet with cream cheese icing. The tree is made from white chocolate chips which I melted in a double boiler and then sculpted with spoons and my hands. I used skewers and made supports out of chocolate to be sure it would stay up. I've got to say, that cake is my crowning kitchen achievement.

I also modified their Honeyed Chicken recipe for the main course. After some smoke detector issues it turned out wonderfully. I suggest using grapeseed or canola oil which have higher smoke points. Or you can do what I did and wrap it in foil.

Also on the menu was a Sansa salad, veggie casserole, hummus, olives and cheese from Dorne, wine from the Arbor, an assortment of ales, black bread and salt (guest rights are important) and lemon cakes, which I adapted from a lemon cake recipe I already make.

Now I have to figure out how I am going to top this for next season's party. 

Cross stitch banners for the major houses and hang them around my living room? 

Sculpt the Wall out of Ben and Jerry's? 

Dragon eggs filled with actual dragons? 

So many options.

Maester's potions

If you follow the show, I hope you enjoy the finale on Sunday and remember Valar Morghulis. 

And if you don't watch the show. . . can I ask why in the seven hells not?